There are women like me that will never win a Mother’s Day contest or get invited on a talk show celebrating this holiday, not because we don’t deserve it, but for the reason our offspring are either estranged, deceased or emotionally unavailable and our circumstances don’t sell soap. Mother’s day is one of the man-made holidays I always enjoyed particularly when my Mom was alive. Since she died and with my situation and loss, the weeks building up to the day are expressly painful, compounded by all the ads and well-meaning sentiments tossed around. I often think about how this affects other folks. What about the many women struggling with conception, a miscarriage or an abortion –especially after a rape. Maybe you recently lost your own mom and you are childless, then what do you do with this day? Or the case where the Mom is not emotionally there or maybe you are just a guy missing your beloved deceased mom. Then again, perhaps you are unjustly not allowed to see your grandchildren. What toll does this day have on all of you? No, I am not one of those campaigning to do away with the holiday, quite the contrary; I think we should have Mother’s month in honor, not just a day.
So to all the mom’s out there whose child or children are dead, and/or have less than a desirable relationship with them, know you are a winner anyway. Sure, we made mistakes, that goes with the territory, but most of us do the best we can with what we know. And if ever you weren’t up to your usual it was not because you did not love, it is because you are a multi-tasking hard working, passionate woman who would die for her children no matter how awful they are toward you. To those mom’s like me, turn away from other’s judgments. I know it is hard and adds to your burden of pain, but it really is meaningless. Here is a quote from our non-religious book that puts things in perspective: “You cannot judge without experiencing your own judgments, because your patterns will create a bridge to that circuit the soul is judging, and set up a lesson for you based on that judgment. This occurs on levels below the conscious mind and your conscious feeling world, but this is not done to disgrace you. It is to teach that all of you are a part of experience in the realms of duality.”
What I have learned and my survival advice to everyone is best said by once again quoting our book:
“Always expect to see God qualities in everyone. Along these lines, teaching by example is a wonderful
way to work with children, and then they will organically develop their own God qualities without their parents or guardians enforcing it upon them. Do not focus on expecting to see disappointment in another or thinking he or she will let you down. If someone chooses to be that type of energy, let them go. Always imagine meeting people on their highest level. Anticipate seeing the halo of light above their heads and around their hearts, and this will aid them in developing that light from within; good relationships are developed in this manner. It is how heavenly circuits work. If some individuals, for one reason or another, cannot meet you at this level of mind and heart from their own Christ nature, they will simply not be there.”
As for me, I am doing just fine. I have the gift of being able to communicate with my deceased mom and son—strange how easier that sometimes is than speaking with the living. I am blessed with some wonderful women and men in my life, some related some not–some who even call me Mama– who always remember to acknowledge me, not just on this day, but throughout the year. I am enormously privileged to have my wonderful man, Walt, my fabulous Mom-in law, and unconditional love in the form of 5 furry packages. Okay, one last book quote:
“Expand and dwell in the nature of unconditional love, for truly this is the circuit from our Creator.
God is in divine love with His creations, and does not see flaws. In fact, our Creator presents a venue of redemption to return you to a holy state of grace, and He is there for the offering.” Dogs know this, why is it so hard for humans? An aside note: women, please stop insulting canines by referring to men who behave badly as dogs!
My incredible husband insists on making this a special day despite our sorrow and loss. He feels that although moms like me are no longer mothering their children, we did earn our stripes and they are forever deep within our hearts, thoughts, and prayers. As I write this, Walt is making me breakfast, I just know there will be flowers from the garden in vases everywhere and an original homemade card from him and the dogs, followed by a long massage and later we’ll go for a walk on the beach. I’d say I’m a winner.
Dedicated to my beloveds: My Mom, Irene, Mother Mary, my darling mother-in-law, Evelyn, and souls everywhere. Namaste,’ Vera
*Check out our non-religious book, The Measure of Christ’s Love—Christ meaning universal consciousness. I know you will find value in this sacred teaching and believe me I am not saying this for the money, I receive seventy three cents on every book the stores sell. This is not a complaint, just a fact.